This is one smart dog

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.
“An’ wot’s this then?” he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher’s shins.
“You dumb dog.” As he reaches down to smack the dog, he [...]

An amazing talking dog

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, “I’ll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk.”
Bartender: “Yeah! Sure…go ahead.”
Man: “What covers a house?”
Dog: “Roof!”
Man: “How does sandpaper feel?”
Dog: “Rough!”
Man: “Who was the greatest ball player of all time?”
Dog: “Ruth!”
Man: “Pay up. I told you [...]

Steven Wright on dogs

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he’s gone.
I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on [...]