Carnegie Mellon Technique Accelerates Biological Image Analysis

Carnegie Mellon University Lane Center for Computational Biology researchers have improved an algorithm that automatically analyzes cell cultures and biological specimens. The new technique improves the efficiency of the belief propagation algorithm, a widely used method for drawing conclusions about interconnected networks and promises to allow for more accurate analysis [...]

This is one smart dog

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.
“An’ wot’s this then?” he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher’s shins.
“You dumb dog.” As he reaches down to smack the dog, he [...]

An amazing talking dog

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, “I’ll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk.”
Bartender: “Yeah! Sure…go ahead.”
Man: “What covers a house?”
Dog: “Roof!”
Man: “How does sandpaper feel?”
Dog: “Rough!”
Man: “Who was the greatest ball player of all time?”
Dog: “Ruth!”
Man: “Pay up. I told you [...]

The amazing flying dog

A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she’s trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, “I’ve got just the thing for you madam. I’ll just get him.”
With that, he disappears into [...]

A game of animal football

The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. “I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I’ve seen it on T.V.”
He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the [...]

Steven Wright on dogs

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he’s gone.
I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on [...]

A good chess player

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”
“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games [...]

A very insulting parrot

This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, “My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam.”
She turns around quickly to see who [...]