A dog’s chalkboard assignments

This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your dog when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment. A. Fill in the blanks
1. [xxx] is not food.
Spiders; bandaids; ivy and airplane plants; Xmas ornaments; the carved jack-o-lantern; plants from the aquarium; [...]

Instrument flying guide for animal lovers

Having detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the “Cat and Duck Method” of instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to have [...]

An amazing talking dog

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, “I’ll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk.”
Bartender: “Yeah! Sure…go ahead.”
Man: “What covers a house?”
Dog: “Roof!”
Man: “How does sandpaper feel?”
Dog: “Rough!”
Man: “Who was the greatest ball player of all time?”
Dog: “Ruth!”
Man: “Pay up. I told you [...]

The preacher buys a parrot

A preacher is buying a parrot.
“Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?” asked the preacher.
“Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assures him.
“Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the [...]

The plumber has arrived

A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o’clock. Ten o’clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, one o’clock; no plumber.
She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.
He knocked on the door; the lady’s [...]

He is a very smart dog

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its [...]

There was just a dog fight

A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?”
“Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up. “What about it?”
“Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…”
“What are you talkin’ about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly. “How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?”
“Well, it seems [...]

You could feed them a lot faster

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer [...]

I’ll use my seeing eye dog

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite [...]

Never talk to the parrot

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn’t accommodate her with an “after-hours” appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. By the [...]